This is the third part of a series on mental health issues and where residents in the region can find help and support.
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ROCHELLE — Grief, guilt, confusion, feeling lost.
Survivors of a suicide loss often describe going through a gamut of emotions and the never-ending question — could this have been prevented?
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, there are a number of risk factors for suicide including a family history of suicide, substance abuse, isolation, prolonged stress, access to firearms, or a serious or chronic medical illness. Shown as the 10th leading cause of death among Americans, the risk of suicide increases in those diagnosed with a mental illness.
One Ogle County family shared their own personal story of suicide, losing their son over seven years ago. “John and Sally Smith” recently sat down with Rochelle resident Tracy Brooks, recounting the days, months, and years leading up to “Adam’s” suicide.
Brooks became familiar with mental illness after her son Chad was diagnosed in 2006 with a general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. Since that day over a decade ago, Brooks, along with husband Mic, and Chad have embarked on a journey so many others face. Brooks joined NAMI where she has met people like the Smith family who have experienced the effects of mental illness.
“We hear so much about suicide awareness and prevention, but is it realistic to think it’s possible to prevent suicide? Was there anything anyone could have done to stop Adam’s suicide? Absolutely not. His family and friends tried everything possible. He appeared to be doing better,” Brooks said. “Often times individuals will seem happier when they have made the decision and found a way to do it. They see a way out of the pain.”
Their story
The Smiths spoke fondly of their son, Adam, an excellent student who also loved sports. John recalls Adam as always being by his side growing up “virtually every second of every day.”
“Adam was everything I ever wanted in a son. I coached him in different sports, and he was an outstanding catcher,” John said. “ From elementary on into high school, he was academically talented and had a host of friends. In his senior year, he received the presidential award for scholar athlete. He played football, basketball, and baseball.”
In retrospect, John and Sally now see there were “telltale signs” that their son was suffering with a mood disorder. Adam would rock when he was a child which was perhaps his manner of processing anxiety even then. He would get extremely frustrated in school at not having the perfect drawing or handwriting, even staying in from recess to replicate the cursive chart.
Sally noticed her son’s depressive behavior years later, recognizing the symptoms as she had experienced the disorder herself, managing it through medications. Sally encouraged Adam to seek help, but to Adam this was a sign of weakness.
“I suggested he go see the psychiatrist whom we knew to be very good at helping people get on the right medications. He went to see him once and never went back,” Sally said. “Again, he felt that he could take care of it on his own; he didn’t want to feel weak or needing help. In addition to the unrealistic expectation that he could take care of his health problem himself, he also was in denial about it. There wasn’t much discussion after that; he kept it all to himself.”
“He wanted so much to NOT have a problem, he wanted to be like everyone else and to not feel flawed in any way,” John added.
The Smiths said that Adam was well-liked in high school, and their house was the place for driveway basketball and lots of pizza deliveries. He tended to be shy around girls and wasn’t one to use profanity. His parents were told he never said an unkind word to anyone. In college, he had a few friends, but not many.
Stigma
“The tragedy of suicide is often hidden by stigma, myth and shame,” Brooks said. “People don’t always know what to say when they hear of a suicide. Adam’s parents’ advice — treat the loss the same as you would for any death. Offer condolences and talk about the person. They want to hear stories from those whose lives have been touched by their loved one.
Resources
National Suicide Prevention Line 1-800-273-TALK
For more information on NAMI, visit nami. Org.
To learn more about eliminating barriers to the treatment of mental ill visit treatmentadvocacycenter.org.