Have you ever laughed at auto-correct? That happened to me when I was trying to text my sister-in-law about the new Girl Scout cookie, “Toffee-tastic.” She was trying to order some cookies and I was trying to tell her the cookie was gluten-free.
Auto-correct on my phone kept changing the word several times to things like “toffee-tactic,” “toffee-spastic” and even “toffee-gastric.” We kept going back and forth until we were both laughing out loud. We finally got the information exchanged, despite auto-correct.
Communication — whether texting someone far away or talking to a family member in the same room — can get confusing. How many times have we assumed to know what the other person said and gotten it wrong? It’s like the game of telephone where we start out whispering one thing and end up with something hysterically different. I tried this with my family and we started with “Lightning McQueen likes loaded lunches,” and ended up with, “Lighting machine likes bloated bunches.”

As counselors, one of the simplest and best communication skills we are taught in Counseling 101 is paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is listening to someone and repeating back what you hear the other person say. “What I heard you say was….” It’s a simple skill, but even for skilled counselors, it’ surprising how often we find out that what we thought the other person said turns out a little different. Our brains are like auto-correct. We come to our own conclusion before the other person has finished their thought.
Taking the time to slow down and truly listen to someone else is often what it takes to clear up misunderstandings. I’ve seen this when working with couples and families. When someone sets aside their own thoughts and feelings and listens to the other person, it’s like a light bulb goes on. “Oh, now I understand.”
In our fast-paced, distracted world, it’s easy to misunderstand someone. But really listening to someone is healing. Research shows that counseling is an effective treatment for depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues. Why? While counselors have many treatment modalities and skills, being a good listener is by far the most important. Listening to someone can heal relationships, reduce tensions, lift burdens and strengthen backbones. Think of the last time someone listened to you. Now consider if you’ve taken the time to listen to someone you care about. It’s kind of like taking that extra moment to proof-read your text before you push “send.” It seems to take a little more time, but it can save a lot of confusion.

Christine Novak, MA, LCPC, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and owner of Changes Counseling, LLC. She has been an individual, couple, youth and family counselor since 2001. If you would like to contact her, you may do so at christine@changescounselingllc.com.